Trump To Spend Day In With Tippex & Epstein Files

US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has cancelled all obligations for the day as he devotes his time to pouring industrial quantities of Tippex onto various files relating to Jeffrey Epstein, WWN understands.

“I’m declassifying these files but first I’ve just got to do this one thing,” stated Trump, carefully applying the white correction solution over certain recurring words and addresses in the files.

“I have very recently said these files are a Democratic witch hunt and scam against me despite the fact I also say my name doesn’t feature in them anyway, but just bare with me several more hours and these files will be released to the public just as I originally found them,” added Trump now feeling dizzy from inhaling Tippex fumes for the past five hours.

“Give those empty bottles to Don Jr, he says he needs them for a private project,” added the president, risking repetitive strain injury from all the covering up he was doing.

Where some see an issue with his voters that Trump can’t seem to shake off, others working closely with the Republican see a man at the top of his game.

“This is the hardest I’ve seen him work as President, it’s really inspiring to watch, he hasn’t asked once to use his phone to send a racially intolerant social media post,” said one White House staff member, whose job today will involve writing ‘Obama’ and ‘Biden’ in the whited-out spaces in the Epstein files.

“Honestly, I’ve never seen him work this hard on anything, not increasing jobs in rust belt areas, not on improving infrastructure, definitely not on helping the poor, nothing. It’s almost like he’s personally invested in this one particular issue and this issue alone,” added the White House staff member.

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