“No, Putin’s Really Changed This Time, We Can Make It Work” Trump Tells Friends At Sleepover

WISTFULLY recalling the look in Vladimir Putin eyes the last time he saw him face to face, Donald Trump told the members of his cabinet on a White House sleepover that they didn’t know the bloodthirsty dictator like he did and that maybe this time he really has changed.

“It’s not a situationship, Marco, say that one more time and I’ll send you to El Salvador, you’re all just being a ‘pick me girl’ because he didn’t pick you to turn into a double agent. He’s not a deadbeat war criminal, he really wants to stop bombing he just says he needs some space and time,” reasoned Trump as he demolished a bowl of popcorn.

“Of course Britain, France, Germany, the Democrats and a majority of Americans say they’re against Russian aggression in Ukraine but that’s because they’re jealous,” countered Trump as his sleepover buddies tried to raise to non-judgemental observations about how Putin gets his way every time he talks to the US president.

Encouraged to make an origami chatterbox fortune teller out of some classified Epstein files, Trump picked a colour and then a number but wasn’t happy with landing on a corner that read ‘don’t trust him’, his level of upset running the risk of ruining the sleepover for everyone.

“He’s NOT LIKE THAT when we’re alone,” barked Trump, stating the Putin he knows doesn’t commit war crimes, renege on ceasefires, kidnap children or assassinate his underlings when they’re together talking in private.

“Guys, I don’t interfere in your relationships with people so maybe stay out of mine. Now, are we watching The Summer I Turned Pretty or not?” Trump said.

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