Revealed: The Next Outrageous Soundbites Trump Will Issue To Distract From Epstein Report

DESPERATE TO redirect his supporters’ attention away from his administration’s backtracking on claims made about the Epstein client list, Donald Trump is to issue a series of characteristically unhinged rants.

WWN has seen a leak of this week’s pre-planned off-the-cuff soundbites Trump is hoping will wrestle the focus away from his close friend, noted human trafficker, rapist and paedophile Jeffrey Epstein:

“Die Hard 4 is the best Die Hard movie” – the only way to quell one outrage is to start another.

“Guys, forget the Epstein stuff. Didn’t you hear that one Democrat congressman say Alligator Alcatraz is an Internment Camp? He said ‘I saw 32 people per cage, about 6 cages in one tent. People were yelling help me, help me’. See, I’m still cool? Also I’m making ice cream free for my supporters!” – Trump is hoping that by showing how cruel and illegal his policies are he might win back supporters.

“Jessica Rabbit would totally get it, right? Under my administration I’ll make it legal to find cartoons sexy” – returning to one of his key election pledges, Trump could quieten the Epstein stuff once and for all.

“Today, I authorized a successful missile strike on Elmo” – Trump, reacting to the Sesame Street character Elmo’s X account being hacked and calling for the Epstein files to be released.

“Anybody see the Conor McGregor pee pee pics? A disgrace! Make Unsolicited Dick Pics Sent To Women Accompanied By Threats Telling A Woman Not To Tell Anyone About It Great Again” – Trump will attempt to confuse voters by taking a rare anti-sex pest stances.

“JFK isn’t dead, he’s on Mars and I’m tasking my good friend Elon Musk with rescuing him” – floating the idea of having made up with Musk again could distract enough followers so that only the first 8,000 comments under Trump’s social media post are about Epstein.

“Maybe immigrants are people too” – the soundbite guaranteed to generate the most headlines worldwide. When Trump debuts this soundbite, thousands of news articles will question if Trump has sudden onset dementia. So incensed by his attempt to imply immigrants are human, his supporters will completely forget the Epstein stuff.

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