Could Old Defunct Phone Boxes Be The Solution To Smaller, More Affordable Apartments?

UNSIGHTLY, DIRTY and of no use – renters are the bane of the coalition government’s existence.

But could a solution to their insistence of insisting on living in accommodation be staring us in the face? When once our city street corners and villages were drowned in phone boxes?

Minister for Housing James Browne is said to be considering reducing the minimum size of apartments to improve cost and output, years after doing it the first time didn’t work, but why bother with reducing natural light and loosening fire safety exit rules when there’s the last of the defunct phone boxes littered around the country that are the perfect size for modest living.

“Some just come with that smell and there’s no getting rid of it, but we hope renters’ stench doesn’t sully the phone boxes,” explained a spokesperson for the government.

Reducing the minimum apartment size to 32sqm would achieve the government’s goal in pretending builders would now produce affordable housing options while prices would drop everywhere, but perhaps the time for pretending is over.

“I couldn’t agree more, a phone box is perfect, sure people did the essential things to living life in those things day in day out for years. You could drunkenly fall asleep in them, eat your take away while shielding from the rain and a phone box is perfectly getting-the-ride compatible, it was a location known for last ditch shit as well,” explained one vocal supporter of the reduction in space, a Fianna Fáil voting home owner who will never have to live in one of these things.

UPDATE: The government have confirmed that once the 32sqm reduction is in effect and doesn’t work, efforts will be made to reduce them again several years from now before the inevitable decision to shrink pathetic humans who don’t earn enough money so they fit in literal shoe boxes.

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