Netanyahu Removes Finger From Missile Launch Button After Simon Harris Issues Statement

A FRESH WAVE of missile attacks bound for Iran were immediately put on pause after Tánaiste Simon Harris issued a statement calling for calm, his words carrying such weight it compelled inhumane war-monger Benjamin Netanyahu to step back from the brink.

“THE Simon Harris? Fuck me, pack it up guys,” said Netanyahu, briefing his war room to abort what was about to be yet another attack on a nation in the Middle East.

Normally acting with near complete impunity, Netanyahu’s single-minded fascination with blowing up every single square inch of the Middle East he can’t put a settler on was reassessed following the highly influential intervention of the Wicklow TD.

“You know what, you can just throw that big red missile launch button in the bin, I don’t think we’ll be needing that again,” Netanyahu added, who knew Harris couldn’t hit a housing target with state of the art missile system but when it comes to issuing warnings you shouldn’t call his bluff.

Veteran experts in conflicts and international diplomacy have confirmed Israel’s strikes on Iran are ‘not ideal’, proving Harris’s intervention is even more crucial than previously thought.

Elsewhere, the Trump administration confirmed it had no role in the missile strikes, a statement which was immediately corrected by Israel who said America played a direct role.

“They’ll take the piss out of America and throw them under the bus, that’s easy. But I’d like to see them try that with me,” confirmed Harris.

Support an independent, ad-free publisher by buying yourself something nice in our shop HERE