“Praise Our Restraint, We Usually Murder Everyone Aboard Aid Flotillas” Says IDF Spokesperson

A FRANKLY OFFENDED spokesperson for the IDF has called on people who have been watching the voyage of the Madleen aid flotilla bound for Gaza to give credit where credit is due for the restraint its military force has shown.

“For the IDF, seeing an aid flotilla is like dangling the keys of a brewery in front of an alcoholic. We could have, would have, loved to murder all those people but we didn’t and you’re STILL mad at us? What the heck?” offered the IDF spokesperson.

“Yes, we were sick enough to take photos of us sarcastically trying to hand out food and water to people manning a boat loaded with aid gravely needed by malnourished children and mothers we’re punishing, but in 2010 we murdered like 10 people on an aid flotilla, so why not a little praise for not doing it this time, huh?” added the spokesperson.

While the IDF expected a warm letter of congratulations from Ursula von der Leyen in due course, the spokesperson confirmed the lack of praise has left the soldiers questioning if going one hour without committing a war crime was even worth.

“I’ve guys here in withdrawals, literally have the shakes because they haven’t pulled the tirgger on an unarmed civilian. But all they get is people bullying them online,” concluded an emotional spokesperson.

Meanwhile, Benjamin Netanyahu admitted to being annoyed at first by the Madleen’s voyage and publicity but is thankful it’s distracted enough people from the revelations that the IDF is arming militias within Gaza so they can loot what little aid has made its way into area.