Mayo Secure Canadian Prime Minister Role Before All-Ireland

WITH THREE out of four of Mark Carney’s grandparents hailing from Mayo, the Connacht county has achieved the impossible and found themselves in charge of Canada for the next five years, thanks to Liberal Party’s victorious election performance.

“Here in Mayo we can do anything we put our minds to. US president, sorted that with Biden. Done. In charge of Canada? Piece of cake. Anything, we can do literally anything… except that one feckin’ thing we want to do most of all,” confirmed local Mayo native and luster after Sam Maguire, Barry Brennan breaking down in tears.

“Sure we last won it in 1951, but c’mon, there’s barely anyone around with a memory of that. The team photo from then had dinosaurs roaming the fields in the background,” added Brennan, who doesn’t count when the county’s women win the All-Ireland.

Well-meaning bystanders had appealed to Mayo natives to simply enjoy the momentous rise of a man with Aughagower roots winning a Canadian election without spiraling into a psychotic paralysis about the Sam Maguire.

“It’s just one of those what ifs, a man like Carney, with his leadership abilities, we should have done more to get him playing underage level when he visited during the summers as a kid. He’d have been in his prime in the early 90s. We could have done with him in the ’92 semi-final against Donegal. That one was for the taking. Christ, we blew it, him and two-year-old Aidan O’Shea in midfield would have been the dream team,” added the entire county, now pondering if having a Mayo man in charge of Canada technically means all Canadians are eligible for the Mayo panel.

Elsewhere, asked what was key to his party’s massive turn around in fortunes and ultimate victory, Carney credited his victory with Donald Trump repeatedly opening his big stupid mouth.

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