“Aliens Are Giving Ireland A 5 Star Review” Local Astrophysicist Explains Latest Crop Circles

A LOCAL astrophysicist believes he has deciphered the appearance of star-shaped crop circles or “star marks” discovered across the country this week which has gained the attention of paranormal investigators worldwide.

Mysteriously appearing in locations containing the word ‘glass’—from Glasson to Glassdrumman—astrophysicist Dave Dillon claims the series of stars are actually a 5-star review of Ireland left by off-worldly visitors.

“The good news is that they think Ireland is pure class!”, Dillon explained, speaking to a multitude of UFO researchers attending the scene. “Stars are the universal rating system and we’ve got five! We’re deadly, so we are!”.

Far from being concerned about an alien invasion, tourism industry experts championed the news.

“There’s every chance they’d pick a weekend in Glasson over a dreary weekend on Neptune with its 1,300km winds. And I don’t see England getting any star marks… or America for that matter and aliens are always over there doing alien things, so it’s great news for Ireland” shared one local tourism official.

Meanwhile a couple of hundred yards down the field from astrophysicist Dillon, a Heineken marketing team tasked with raising awareness for a brand new star-shaped pint glass has welcomed his theories, stating, “sounds plausible alright”.