BREAKING: Ireland’s Pharma Factories Disappear Overnight

IRELAND’S pharmaceutical workforce awoke to an alarming sight this morning as entire industrial estates and corporate campuses have seemingly vanished overnight, leaving only desolate plots of land and a rising sense of dread.

Employees stood in disbelief where once gleaming glass-walled offices once stood, now reduced to empty, windblown lots littered with ‘To Let’ signs.

“I’ve already received a sternly worded letter from Intreo threatening me to ‘seek meaningful employment’,” lamented one Cork-based lab technician, previously earning a six-figure salary in return for, by his own admission, ‘minimal effort’. “They’ve scheduled a forklift operator interview for me in Cavan. Where the fuck is Cavan?”

Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe acknowledged that the mass evaporations, estimated to impact tens of thousands of jobs, were ‘regrettable’, but assured the nation that Ireland would weather the storm of any negatives impacts from impending Trump-imposed tariffs through ‘many enriching years of austerity’.

“Yes, we could dip into our multibillion-euro budget surplus and the Apple tax we reluctantly received last year,” Donohoe admitted. “But frankly, burdening the taxpayer instead feels more… responsible. Besides, we’d be better saving that fund for a proper crisis — like if the banks need it for something”.

Elsewhere, members of the Irish government sharply criticized U.S. President Donald Trump’s latest initiative to impose exorbitant tariffs on imported cars, accusing him of plagiarizing Ireland’s finest economic strategies.

“He should develop his own bad ideas,” said one senior official. “It’s a bit shit to steal our VRT idea without even so much as a footnote.”

Help us to continue taking the piss in these trying times by buying yourself something nice in our shop HERE