Fuck, Polish Lad Buying Your Car Definitely Going To Sniff Out Bolloxed Suspension In Seconds

“HE SIGNED off all his messages as Alex, not Alek, fuck. He’s wearing Snickers too. I’m so fucked!” the words of local man John McKillan who had hoped to sell his shit heap of a car for €2,250 but is now faced with the reality that Polish lads ‘know their fucking cars’.

“I wouldn’t know what a suspension is only for the mechanic telling me it’s bolloxed, and only a month after I poured €500 into it to pass the NCT,” a tearful McKillan said as Alek Novak began walking up his driveway to inspect the car.

Broke and desperate to be rid of the money pit that is his 2008 Fiesta, McKillan mistakenly assumed Alek was an Irish ‘Alex’ based on initial DoneDeal messages which migrated to WhatsApp.

“She gets good mileage,” McKillan now insisted to Nowak, as he tried to rattle off stock car phrases he wasn’t sure the meaning of.

Despite his efforts McKillan’s stomach was in knots as Nowak nimbly squatted and viewed the car’s undercarriage like he was a veteran F1 pit lane crew member.

“I’m fucked, I’m fucked, I’m fucked, all the Polish lad across the way does on weekends is work on his car, this lad’s probably the same. Didn’t have a crib as a baby, slept in an old chassis,” said McKillan, again unsure if the terminology he was using was at all correct.

UPDATE: After an unsuccessful sale, McKillan has vowed to only engage on DoneDeal with first time car buyers who promise not to bring anyone with them to view the car.

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