Trump Doesn’t Know How To Break It To Boss At McDonald’s That He Got New Job

PUTTING off the inevitable call to his boss in the McDonald’s branch of Feasterville-Trevose, Pennsylvania, Donald Trump needs to let his superior know he has got a job in Washington DC starting January 20th.

With his ‘astronomical diarrhoea’ excuse for calling in sick only going to work a few more times, Trump has coaching himself in the mirror and hoping to work up the courage to confirm his departure.

“I’ve discovered fast food isn’t my passion, it’s appointing the most batshit insane people you’re ever likely to meet to key positions overseeing the government, and getting the country’s billionaires to grovel and kiss the ring,” Trump said rehearsing to himself.

“I didn’t think I’d get it when I applied so I’m in a bind now, turns out they’re stricter in McDonald’s on checking references; the people who hired me for Washington barely asked me a question just let me make wild claim after wild claim,” explained Trump.

Trump admitted to being a ‘ditherer’ and always putting off tasks like this until the last minute.

“I didn’t get Elon involved in getting my new job hunt until around July when he supercharged right-wing talking points on his app, while also spending $100mn on my campaign. I honestly didn’t think putting the deranged rants of twitter users as references on my CV would work,” added Trump.

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