Departing Green TDs To Spend New Found Time Off On Cycling Extensive Greenway Network Around Ireland

A SOBERING ELECTION performance has seen the Green Party lose 11 of 12 seats in the Dáil, however rather than dwell on the negatives, departing Green Party TDs WWN spoke with have said they can’t wait to hit the nation’s greenways with their newfound spare time.

“And actually getting to the greenways themselves is easier than I thought, the rural link bus services are handy. The number of people travelling on them has increased 360% in just four years, I wonder how that was achieved?” said one Green TD, environmentally friendly steam escaping from their ears.

“Gosh, it’s so handy too as well since it’s reduced fares all around and free for under 8s, and you know with €1mn pledged for cycling infrastructure every single day of the 2025 budget next year, there will probably be some new spots to cycle on too,” said another Green through gritted teeth.

TDs noted the views on their cycles will be something to savour as the number of organic farm holding have increased by more than 150% in a three year period ‘not that you’d know it from the sourpusses on rural independent TDs’ faces’.

“You fucking know what I’d like to fucking retrofit? The Irish fucking electorate so they come inbuilt with an understanding of what we’ve fucking achieved, insulation from the fucking shite spouted about us” added one Green TD, sustainably recycling the same swear word multiple times despite their anger rising quicker than average global temperatures.

“What’s my free time going to look like? Maybe an artist we got a standard basic income for can paint it instead! And they’ve the free time to do it as well since childcare fees were reduced and reduced again by us. You know what, you lot don’t deserve us,” another departing TD said before screaming into their salad.

Elsewhere, large industrial farms celebrated the Greens demise by dumping toxic waste into the country’s waterways.