Liverpool Fans Crowdfund 4-Year £500k-A-Week Contract For Mo Salah In One Hour

AN AMAZING charitable endeavour undertaken at the start of the festive period has seen Liverpool supporters raise £104 million pounds in just one astonishing hour, after they learned how cash strapped their club was.

“It broke my heart to see poor little Tiny Tim, I mean Mo Salah, struggle to get his words out what with his lungs full of disease, I mean his bank account desiring to be filled,” explained one heartfelt scouser, who couldn’t let a 32-year-old go without a lucrative 4-year contract this Christmas.

“Our owners have no conscience. This poor, poor man is so distressed he’s had to resort to begging for help in post-match interviews, interacting with Jamie Carragher. It’s desperate stuff, you have to think of those less fortunate this time of year,” said another fan, who emptied out his children’s life savings in a bid to help the prolific Egyptian winger.

Before learning of the mammoth fundraising efforts, Salah had cut a sad figure contemplating possibly playing Man City at Anfield for a final time, spitting on his favourite spot on the pitch one last time, never again feeling the warmth of his favourite toilet seat and the sweet caress of four-ply Liverpool branded toilet paper.

“It is when you feel you have lost it all, you treasure those things most important to you,” explained Salah, softly petting his phone as it displayed his bank balance.

Elsewhere a man, originally from Barcelona, has been arrested in the Manchester area of England after he was found going door to door frantically raising six fingers at concerned residents well into the early hours of the morning.

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