Concerns Raised As Martin & Harris Merging Into One Being

PARTY OFFICIALS from Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil and those at the forefront research in evolutionary biology have expressed grave concern as it appears Simon Harris and Micheál Martin are fusing into one being, indecipherable from one another.

“Nonsense, I’m the same Micheál Harris I always was,” the melting globby assemblage of limbs and skin said as it contorted and stretched into a new and terrifying form like John Carpenter’s The Thing.

The new reality dawned on party members as they tried to communicate with their own party leader but had to conclude that every word or policy uttered from the shared mouth of the morphing figure before them could have been said by either leader.

Soon Micheál Martin and Simon Harris submitted to the undeniable fact they were becoming one.

“Okay, first things first, we’ve got to watch Freaky Friday or something, figure out how they reversed the process,” a stuttering Cork accent barked from the single mouth the men now shared.

“No, you idiot! Freaky Friday is a body-swap movie. We’re morphing into one hideous symbiotic form, we’re like Tom Hardy in Venom!” explained the Harris portion, evidently the section of the Wicklow TD’s brain that covers pop culture knowledge still surviving the process of painful metamorphosis.

Experts speculate that the fusing of these two beings is unheralded in history as no one person has ever possessed their combined level of detached indifference and awkward attempts at holding conversations with the general public with the damaging outcome for the public still unclear.

Meanwhile, government forming negotiations between Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael are incredible fragile and fractious as the two parties bitterly argue, unable to find common ground on what brand of Champagne to spray over one another during their celebrations.

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