Shares In BooHoo Continue To Fall On News Of Women Buying Waterford Whispers T-Shirts

FAST FASHION retail giant and purveyors of why-is-the-dress-I-bought-disintegrating Boohoo.com continue to suffer a plunge in value after the emergence of ethical Irish supplier of humorous merchandise Waterford Whispers Shop.

“I went to call an emergency board meeting but the board is all currently being talked down off the roof. They know their quarterly revenue is fucked six ways from Sunday,” a panicked senior executive at Boohoo explained.

Such is the immense scale in the changing habits of the key female shopper demographic of 0-100 year olds, believed to be ordering as many as 400,000 waterfordwhispers.shop items a week, Boohoo’s stock has taken a considerable plunge since waterfordwhispers.shop launched in March of this year, resulting in huge stock valuation losses for British online retailer.

“In fairness we initially thought it was due to the truly abominable allegations repeatedly made against us, accusing us of using modern slavery to make our clothes that caused the shift but it’s not that at all, it’s actually just the gas clothes we can’t compete with,” confirmed the Boohoo executive before joining his colleagues on the roof.

“I’m never buying Boohoo again, compared to Waterford Whispers Shop, Boohoo is the Adolf Hitler of clothes, and I’m not just saying that because I’m an imaginary person made up for the purposes of a quote of endorsement for Waterford Whispers Shop,” confirmed one happy customer, seconds before she was chased down the street by a mob demanding to know where she got her Paul Mescal GAAdiator t-shirt from.

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