Three Days Of Celebrations Declared In Waterford After City Mentioned In The Guardian

IRELAND’S OLDEST city has reportedly completely lost the run of itself after featuring in that fancy posh newspaper in England, The Guardian, which is read by people who eat quinoa and wash more than once a week, Waterford Whispers News can exclusively reveal.

“In the big time now boi, barely mentioned it being a kip ‘n all,” celebrated local man Stephen Power, who could barely be heard over the fireworks being launched directly into the roof of the Apple Market.

While many residents of the city would have even celebrated being mentioned for negative reasons, the fact Waterford is being identified as a must-see destination has led to uproarious scenes of excess and euphoria.

“When was the last time them Kilkenny pricks were in a paper?” offered another humble resident, who is already beginning preparations for a huge influx of polyamorous Just Stop Oil protesting Guardian readers visiting the city.

A lock-in in the recently opened Irish Wake Museum is expected to go on for several days, and in the case of one reveler dying from alcohol poisoning, another several days after that.

“I’ve always stocked the paper, always, so I knew we were featured before anyone else,” said newsagent Patsy O’Reilly, who denies chasing people of his shop and calling them ‘filthy hippy communists’ whenever they asked if The Guardian was sold on the premises.