“As President I’ll Fight For Small Businesses” Says Man Who Tripled Rent On Small Business

A MAN who has again taken to social media to claim he will run for the office of the President of Ireland and fight for small businesses is in fact the same man who tripled rent on a small local business thus forcing its closure after 70 years in operation.

“Wow, it almost sounds like this guy is full of more shit than the elephant enclosure in Dublin zoo,” said one expert in stating the obvious, of the man who has been seen socialising with a Kinahan cartel associate multiple times, most recently at a family wedding.

“I think someone who triples the rent of his tenants who have been serving the locality for 70 years during a cost of living crisis is a hero in my eyes,” countered one bright-eyed fan, not part of the 89% of people polled late last year who said they wouldn’t vote for the 36-year-old.

The man, also in a court dispute with a former associate who is suing him for the share of proceeds from the sale of a business venture he worked on that he was promised, posted a lengthy tweet which some speculated sounded like what would happen if you gave ChatGPT cocaine while pouring a vat of urine on its servers.

“I note that he has called this man he is in dispute with a ‘sick rat cunt’ on Twitter, I think this proves he has the right temperament and character befitting the office he says he is running for,” confirmed another fan.

Regarded by experts as some sort of unhinged figure worshiped by gobshites, the former fighter and sexual-assault accused has also previously pledged to protect women and children.

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