We Interview The Bacon & Cabbage Eating Ingrates From That SPHE Book

WATERFORD WHISPERS NEWS has gained an exclusive interview with the much talked about ‘Family A’ from the ‘All Different, All Equal’ section of Edco’s now recalled Health & Wellbeing book. Aran wearing, bacon and cabbage munching patriarch of the insular and intolerant family, Paschal.

Q: Would you agree with the contention that this clumsy attempt to highlight narrow-minded prejudice has gifted a reactionary media happily importing US culture wars their latest faux-outrage?

A: Potato!

Q: You’re described as being resistant to change, is that fair?

A: Absolutely, have a fear of it, it’s why I only carry a wedge of bank euro notes in my wallet. Don’t mind the pig on the floor there, she sleeps in with us. Did you know I only saw my first microwave last year! What is this daring scientific contraption plucked from the 31st century? Explain electricity to me again. Fire go in light but you make go bye bye with button on wall?

Q: On-a-scale of 1 to 10 how unhappy are you about this controversy?

A: As you well know I’m an intolerant sort who doesn’t like foreign things, and numbers were invented by the Sumerians, so I refuse to use them. And I’m also ignorant so I wouldn’t know the Sumerians developed a numerical system based on the sexagesimal system in the first place.

Q: Okay, to put it another way are you happy at all with your depiction in this SPHE book?

A: SPHE, the doss class everyone does their homework for other subjects in when they’re not mitching off from it entirely? I’m not a fan no, it has to be said. I’ve seen less subtle Punch cartoons.

Q: Do you know the worldly and open ‘Family B’ from the book?

A: You mean those uppity cunts next-door? I’ve been on at Revenue to look into them for years, there’s no way they can afford that many holidays? Plus, they took their kids out of school there for a ski trip.

Q: Would you agree with the people who have expressed their disgust at the contents of the pages?

A: Arragh all I know is this is yet another example of NGOs trying to influence our kids, they shouldn’t be anywhere near our education system.

Q: A Non-Governmental Organisation, like the Catholic Church?

A: Well no, as you can see from the picture in the book I’m from some fabricated idyll of 1960s picture perfect postcard Ireland so the sun shines out of the Church’s arse as far as I’m concerned. We’d be lost without them.

Q: I thought you’d be more angry by all this. You’ve essentially been depicted as a xenophobic simpletons, does it not bother you?

A: That’s water off a duck’s back, it’s the accusation we watch The Late Late that offended me. So much so in fact, I got on my horse and cart to the nearest telegram office to send a message to my solicitor that I intend to sue!