Davy Fitzgerald Down To Last County To Manage

WITH THE ANNOUNCEMENT that he is to take up the position of senior hurling manager for Antrim, Davy Fitzgerald is down to the last remaining county he has yet to manage, Antrim.

“When you discount the fans from counties that’d riot if you hired him, this is his last hoorah. Unless an even-more-desperate-than-usual Waterford take him back, he’s basically Mr Big to their Carrie Bradshaw if we’re using Sex and The City analogies which hurling heads often do,” explained one GAA commentator.

Some figures in Fitzgerald’s inner circle had previously pressured the GAA to invent several new counties in a bid to secure Fitzgerald a new county position, even going as far as to suggest exploring a more unrealistic option; getting Kerry to field a hurling team.

Previously citing long commutes as a reason for why he stepped away from management positions, Fitzgerald is expected to use pioneering cloning technology which will allow him to split himself and his time between Antrim and home.

The first, and as-of-yet only person to be diagnosed with hurlomania in Ireland, Fitzgerald’s inner circle pointed out that while the average person breaths oxygen, the Clare man can only operate his lungs effectively if he is ingesting hurling.

“It’s a health and safety issue at this point, it’s incumbent on county boards to hire him,” said one Fitzgerald supporter.

Most recently Fitzgerald’s reputation suffered significant damage after failing to win an All-Ireland with ruthless All-Ireland title gobbling beasts, Waterford.