ISIS Goes Into Hiding As Angry Swift Fans Wage War

LEADING figures from the terror group ISIS have gone into hiding after Austrian authorities foiled a plot to attack Taylor Swift concerts in Vienna.

“Taking on the US military in the Middle East is going to look like a picnic compared to what’s coming for those bastards,” confirmed one 13-year-old Swift fan, packing up a go-bag with a variety of military grade weapons with a map of known locations of ISIS strongholds.

International security experts estimate that where the combined forces of the world’s largest militaries and intelligence agencies failed, it should take Swifties all of a few hours to completely dismantle all ISIS operations.

“I thought I knew mindless rage but that was until an angry teenage girl, who saved every penny she had to go to one of these concerts found out they were cancelled and took out a Fatwah against me,” said ISIS’s head of small dick energy, Abu Hafs al-Hashimi al-Qurashi as he fled living-in-hiding to live even more hiding in the distant hills.

While estimates on the number of hateful cave men that make up ISIS vary, they are no match for the millions of highly motivated and dedicated women who worship Swift more devoutly and truly than brain dead jihadists worship Allah.

“I welcome death,” confirmed one ISIS member, “but to be the subject of a 10-minute song containing nonstop lyrical beat-downs tearing at my fatal character flaws, that’s something I won’t survive”.