Transfer Rumours: Kane To Bayern? Mbappé’s Future? My Wife Moving In With Her Boss?

WITH BAYERN Munich sitting down with Spurs chairman Daniel Levy to discuss Harry Kane, things are certainly hotting up in the transfer market.

It’s been an incredible summer with the emergence of the money men in Saudi Arabia, with eye-watering sums mentioned every day. Could they bag Mbappé? Let’s run through all the latest transfer rumours.

Reports suggest Kane could be prised away from Tottenham for a fee in excess of £100mn.

Hannah swore it was over with her boss, but after looking at the salary paid for roles that slick prick currently holds can she really resist moving to someone in the big leagues?

Mbappé has indicated he has no interest in Saudi Arabia but let me you PSG fans, they say one thing, like how it was a one off but then they forget all about that when they’re promised a new life.

Is Man Utd’s transfer business done? Sources suggest they’re in the market for a DM, as in defensive midfielder, not to be confused with the DMs I’ve seen from Jeremy to my wife which could bring an end to my 12-year stint at Marriage FC.

Chelsea hope to offload Lukaku to Juve, and given my current mental anguish I’m trying to not think into any additional meaning of ‘offload’ too much. If I see another transfer story about an inside scoop I think I’ll cry.

A loan move could be an option explored by Joao Felix again, but unlike Hannah, Joao will actually seek permission before moving.

It hurts. So. Much. And West Ham know the feeling too having lost Declan Rice but who will they splash the cash on? Are Southampton and James Ward Prowse as easily impressed by a dirty weekend in London as my wife?

Listen Jeremy mate, she might like you spending on fancy spa weekends now but you’ve got to commit to keep spending year on year, just like Arsenal if they want to compete with City. Will they get David Raya over the line? Will my house be empty when I get home? It’s looking likely.