Ireland V France Recap

IRELAND MAY have lost 1-0 to France but there were more positives to take than an STD clinic’s lab in-tray.

Following an additional VAR review this morning, replays still have no idea how Mike Maignan kept out that Collins header.

Kylian Mbappé apologised for missing the game last night. The PSG man denied skipping out on the game because he was too scared to go toe to toe with Seamus Coleman.

The FAI have appealed to UEFA for special dispensation which would see Ireland get at least a point for only losing 1-0 to the World Cup finalists.

Elsewhere, the FAI have confirmed the process is underway to copyright the phrase ‘glorious defeat’.

Stephen Kenny has asked supporters brimming with pride at how the team played to remember this feeling and take it into account when his team lose 2-0 away to Greece in June.

Kenny was forced to deny playing four Chiedozie Ogbene’s last night but UEFA insist they will have to check the footage to confirm.

Following his unfortunate loose pass which led to Benjamin Pavard’s goal, Josh Cullen is to be fitted with an ear piece during games which just repeats the phrases ‘get rid’ and ‘lump it’.

The HSE was forced to issue a health advisory warning on experiencing Amhrán na bhFiann in a packed Lansdowne Road, with the effects being akin to ‘doing a heap of speed’.

Meanwhile, any pundits expressing anger and disappointment at the fact an Irish team featuring Championship and League One players didn’t dominate and pin down France for 90 minutes will be offered free head exams by the HSE.

The last 15 minutes saw Ireland on the front foot with a French team not enduring this much pressure since Karim Benzema went on trial for blackmailing teammate Mathieu Valbuena.

Finally, thanks to Mike Maignan’s incredible save in the closing moments Irish fans discovered a French hand they hate more than Thierry Henry’s left mitt.