Ronaldo Makes Formal Bid For Man United


REPRESENTATIVES of free agent Cristiano Ronaldo have sensationally tabled a bid for Manchester United hours after he formally left the club.

Leaving by mutual consent, a first for Ronaldo, the Portuguese man wasted no time in reacting to rumours Man United’s current owners, the Glazer family, could be looking to sell by launching his own sensational swoop for the club.

“Cristiano is motivated by what’s best for Man United and as everyone knows he was very vocal about how far the club has fallen during his recent lick out by Piers Morgan,” explained of Ronaldo’s 16 ego-inflater.

Old Trafford jacuzzis, pools and chefs are said to be fearing for their job were Ronaldo to take over.

“That Cris will immediately start himself up front and play there well into his 50s is not something driven by personal ego, but just a sensible decision with the club’s best interests at heart,” added the inflater.

With a net worth rumoured to be in the region of $500mn Ronaldo would have to seek ways to raise the capital required to buy what is reputedly the world’s most expensive club. His representatives have said with 500mn Instagram followers he will have no problem scamming more fans into buying some NFTs.

Asked who would be his first major signings for the club in an attempt to return United back to the elite of world football were he to purchase it, Ronaldo stated ‘a Ronaldo statue’.