WWN’s Horoscopes

206
0
Share:

aries

21 March – 20 April

When that guy said ‘come with me if you want to live’, you really should have gone with him. 

taurus

21 April – 21 May

Come here, what’s this button for?

gemini

May 21 – June 20

When it’s pissing rain, at least be thankful it’s not raining piss. 

cancer

June 21 – July 22

You are 100% pro-choice, if that choice is going to McDonalds for your lunch. 

leo

July 23 – August 22

Your career as a Twitter spambot is going terribly. Nobody wants to see your firm tits! This is bullshit!

virgo

August 23 – September 22

Get your coat, you’ve pulled your hamstring. You need a doctor, quick.

libra

September 23 – October 22

You’re a total rock star! Unfortunately, you’re Gary Glitter. 

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You spot a typo online and point it out, making you the king of everything, we suppose. 

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

A star, billions of light years away, distant and beautiful, aligns with a planet passing in front of it for the first time in 1,000 years. This results in you getting AIDS, look that’s just how horoscopes work OK, we don’t make the rules. 

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Have the nurse look at that. 

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’re not getting any dessert or blowjobs. 

pisces

February 19 – March 20

Your moustache is coming along rightly. And we really love that dress. 

Share:
X