Scumbag Olympics Confirmed For Dublin City Centre Next Week


DUBLIN CITY has received a huge boost with the news that is has been chosen as the host city for this year’s Scumbag Olympics, a sister competition to the Summer Olympics, which takes place in Rio in August.

The Scumbag Olympics will last three weeks and take in a variety of events which will bring in €100 million to the local economy. However, considering the nature of the events involved in the Scumbag Olympics it could also mean the local economy is robbed of over €300 million.

Events range from the fastest pickpocket, the quickest unlocking of a stolen iPhone, the 100 yard dash away from the Gardaí, kicking a stranger’s head in and countless others which should horrify and enthrall the public in equal measure.

Despite the international flavour of the upcoming games, Team Ireland’s coach is confident of some medal success.

“There’s lads coming over from Nigeria, America, Australia, Romania, China and so on, but we feel we’ve put in the years of practice necessary to win,” Decco ‘The Nutter’ Kelly explained to WWN.

Any medal wins for Ireland would be a huge boost to scumbagism in the country with eyes firmly fixed on Sarah and Alan O’Connor, who remain the hot favourites in the loudest public shouting match event.

“This proves our scumbags can compete at the highest international level, and we as a Nation should be proud of that,” the Taoiseach Enda Kenny confirmed in a statement after learning of the news.