Obama Probably Not Going To Visit Guantanamo Bay While In Cuba


US PRESIDENT Barack Obama’s historic visit to Cuba will probably not involve visiting the Guantanamo Bay detention centre, with the president seemingly confirming it by stating “that would just be depressing”, after being pressed by reporters.

More questions followed to why exactly the president wouldn’t want to visit the site of significant torture and human rights violations, Obama was surprisingly candid.

“C’mon guys, this is like my last holiday until I return to that shitshow back home. I just want to enjoy some mojitos, a cigar or two and dance the tango with Michelle, and what? You guys want to pressure me to visit some guys imprisoned by the Government for 14 years without charge. Not happening, this all about rest and relaxation”.

While the president’s visit is seen as a positive step up in US-Cuban relations, Obama is committed to enjoying a fun few days away from Washington and the pressures that go with it.

“My choice is between some home-cooked Cuban cuisine or dropping in to solitary confinement and eating that sludge they call food?” Obama explained “Raul said I could do donuts in his Cadillac this evening, I just don’t have the time to fit anything else in”.

“Plus, imagine having to directly confront what we do as a country, and listen to the pleading of men we haven’t been charged with any crimes, Jesus, that would seriously put a downer on this whole trip,” the world leader concluded.