Met Éireann Instruct Nation To Stay In Doors Until Next Summer

IRELAND is today at its most severe level of weather warning as Met Éireann instructed the Nation to stay indoors until next summer, which traditionally starts in July and lasts about 5 days.

Speaking to WWN Met Éireann stressed that the fact they agonised over using the most severe weather warning available to them should make clear to the public just how awful the conditions out there are.

“It’s fucking cat out there, isn’t it? I’m going to get hate mail for fucking weeks now,” explained a concerned Barry Corless, chief meteorologist at Met Éireann.

Corless confirmed Met Éireann would take the day off, confident in the fact that the weather would stay ‘fairly shite altogether’ for the rest of the day, only picking up sometime in the middle of 2016.

“I’d happily take the first half of 2016, but then who is going to come up with the names for all those class storms?” Corless queried.

Others at Met Éireann confirmed they were taking no chances when it came to warning the public about the adverse conditions.

“We at Met Éireann operate by two eras in weather reporting, there is BMFOIORTEN (before man falling on ice on RTÉ News) and AMFOIORTEN (after man falling on ice on RTÉ News),” explained meteorologist Hannah Grehan.

“We knew we had to issue our ‘it’s shit’ weather warning, the most severe warning available to us, if only to save a number of people from injuring themselves in public. We’ve learned from man falling on ice,” Grehan added.