Internet Users Publish New List Of Things You’re Not Allowed Joke About
IN what is only the second list of its kind, all 3.17 billion users of the internet have been consulted in an effort to produce the definitive list of things you’re not allowed to joke about.
The lengthy and often contentious process involved consulting all users of the internet, with each individual encouraged to list the items, people, concepts, nouns, nations, places and things they deem to be beyond use in the comedic field of joke telling.
Construction and execution of jokes had been carried out in the past by trained professionals, but several thousand years ago the industry collapsed, leaving it to all of mankind to come up with jokes, leading to some unsavoury episodes.
“We’ve tried to listen to everybody’s opinion, and with comedy being objective we’ve narrowed down the subject matter and concepts to an acceptable number,” Harry Paulson, head of compiling the list told WWN earlier today.
Reproduced below is a partial list of the things people are not permitted to joke about:
People who push doors despite there being a clearly marked ‘pull’ sign on it
Euro Millions lotto (the Friday draw only)
People who struggle to open jars of food
Michael D’Arcy from Clonmel and his massive ears
My efforts at painting
The word cucumber
The people of East Timor
Formula One Racing
Actually, all forms of race and, additionally, racing
Tim Henman’s failure to reach a Wimbledon final
When women try to dance like Beyonce
When Rose let go of Jack at the end of Titanic
The Titanic disaster
The fact the inventor of the Segway died while driving his Segway off a cliff
The 18th Century
Pornography specifically produced with an elderly audience in mind
The secrets Gerry Adams keeps in his beard
World War II
The war that happened before World War II
and 133 million other items which have been indexed here.