“It’s All A Load Of Bollocks” Pope Stuns Crowd At Papal Mass

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SHRUGGING his shoulders in a dismissive motion, Pope Francis stunned crowds at Phoenix Park by diverting wildly from the traditional Catholic mass before giving it to pilgrims straight.

“It’s all a load of bollocks,” the Pontiff began in Italian which was translated to the crowd, leaving dozens of worshippers fainting where they stood, “seriously, if someone was in charge of this world they’d have intervened by now.

The Pope’s crackling voice continued to impart the belief that the religion which he presides over is complete and utter nonsense as dazed audience members covered their ears.

“I visited a shrine to Holy Mary in Knock this morning – a statue – when it clearly states in the commandments that we shouldn’t worship statues, figure that one out lads,” he added.

The Pope, now visibly tired and fed up with dealing with child abuse scandals and mistreatments by the catholic church, continued as his aides approached him in an attempt to remove his microphone.

“No, fuck this Giorgio, let’s just give it to them straight for once,” Francis barked, before throwing miniature prayer books at the gobsmacked crowd, “here, have some free shit – not that it any of it matters.

“You lot might as well be reading the Daily Mail and praying to Kanye West… I’m out”.

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