Local Man Appreciates The Progress In Women-Centred Sexual Experiences & The Empowerment It Brings But It’s Still A No On The Pegging

LOCAL progressive and sexually liberal man Cian Castigan has once again been at pains to outline to his girlfriend Nuala Holmes that despite being fully supportive of women-centred sexual experiences and the empowerment it brings, if she so much as mentions pegging again he’ll fill his arsehole with cement, WWN can reveal.

“Babe, c’mon, didn’t we introduce a vibrator into foreplay? Don’t we have a calendar filled with ‘her pleasure first’ days? You can’t say I’m not on board, I let you spank me with a paddle but the only pegging I like involves putting a wash out on the clothes line weather permitting,” explained Castigan, fearing his title of a woman-supporting feminist might be withdrawn at any moment.

“I’ll recite Peig Sayers while you sit on my face, I’ll pretend to be turned on if you dress as Peggy Mitchell, I’ll pretend my willy is a peg-leg and I’m long John Silver, I’ll do it all but no, you’re not strapping something called the ’10 inch dominator’ on your crotch just because your favourite podcast said it means you’re sexually free and no longer subject to the patriarchal male gaze,” added Castigan to much sighing from his girlfriend.

Now routinely backing out of rooms arsed face away from his other half at all times and sleeping with a padlock on his backside, Castigan believes he’s done enough to centre female pleasure in the bedroom and shouldn’t have to go any further.

“Just because I ask can we do anal every time I’ve had a rake of pints doesn’t mean she gets to do the same, that’s equality gone mad”.