Revealed: Possible Punishments Being Considered For Man City
STRIPPING of titles? Binning of medals? The speculation in the aftermath of Manchester City being found guilty of 144 separate charges as part of an independent investigation into their finances has been rife.
Everyone has an opinion but WWN sport has spoken with sources within the Premier League and can confirm the following punishments are being considered:
Points deduction. But not just from their league position this year. Points will also be deducted from City players and staffs’ Boots Advantage cards, Tesco Clubcards, and most devastatingly of all, Nando’s Rewards.
Forcing Oasis to only play songs from ‘Dig Out Your Soul’ their next tour.
Joe Hart’s hair transplant to be reversed.
Premier League seriously considering punishing City by making Jim Ratcliffe buy and run them.
114 day transfer ban, a day for every guilty charge.
The team having to play in red jerseys.
Forced to melt down their Premier League trophies into footballs which they will be forced to train with resulting in endless kicking heavy giant metal balls related injuries.
Banned from signing a strategic noodles sponsorship partner in Asia for 10 years.
All copies of Martin Tyler’s Aguero commentary to be located and dropped into a vat of acid.
All birth certs of Manchester based children named Erling, Vincent, Yaya and Silva to be voided.
Unfittest, most rotund member of staff will be required to do 114 push ups.
Compensation to be paid to YouTube compilation makers who will have to re-edit their ‘greatest player to never win the PL’ videos to include Man City players.
Additional fines every time Ferran Soriano blinks.
Club record league win of 11-3 over Lincoln in 1899 would be rendered null and void.
A points deduction every time the Man City fails to add a crying laughing emoji face to every meme sent into the Premier League WhatsApp group about how Everton will be punished instead.
Rival have called for their relegation not to the Championship, League One or League Two but the National League. The question remains; which National League? It is within the Premier League’s power to force them to play anywhere, Iraq, or most terrifying of all Ireland; take your pick.