“We’re Actually Seeing Someone,” EU Replies As Britain Slides Back Into Its DMs

CAREFUL not to upset its former partner as it knows what a basket case it can be, the EU decided it best to just leave the UK on read for a bit while it forms a response to overtures made by the landmass in the aftermath of the UK Labour Party’s annual conference.

“We’re actually seeing someone more stable now… ” the EU typed before deleting the ‘more stable’ part, worried it read more as a jibe than a statement of fact. “You actually know her very well, lovely nation”.

The late-night DMs come after British Prime Minister Andy Burnham acknowledged he could go ‘all the way’ and rekindle its relationship with the European Union.

“You’re seeing someone already? It’s only been ten years,” the UK pointed out, a bit miffed that a union of economically bound nations could simply move on that fast. “Have our 47 years together meant nothing to you?”

“If you remember, it was you who walked out on us, and you always had one foot out of the relationship anyway” the EU replied. “Canada was also going through a breakup and we just kind of clicked, you know? Nothing personal. At least you still have Ireland, kinda.”

Taking the last DM on the chin, the UK decided to cut to the chase.

“Okay. Let bygones be bygones here. You wouldn’t have a lend of a few quid, would you?” the UK finally asked, now watching anxiously for the message to be marked ‘read’.