Judge Sentences Enoch Burke To Watch ‘Heated Rivalry’ On Loop

IN A LAST-DITCH effort to deter Enoch Burke from returning to Wilson’s Hospital School following his release from prison, an exhausted High Court judge has opted for an unconventional deterrent he described as an ‘alternative behavioural intervention.’

Mr Justice Michael Leggen announced the experimental sentence this morning, speaking to Burke via a live video link to Mountjoy Prison.

“Mr Burke, you have left this court with no remaining conventional options,” the judge said. “I am therefore imposing a sanction designed to directly engage with your personal convictions.”

As the courtroom watched, the live feed switched to Mountjoy Prison, where officers were seen securing Burke to a chair. A prison doctor then calmly fitted medical eyelid restraints, ensuring Burke would be unable to look away from the screen positioned directly in front of him.

“I sentence you to watch ‘Heated Rivalry’ for twenty hours a day, on a continuous loop,” Justice Leggen ruled. “This sentence takes effect immediately.”

Prison staff were then instructed to press play, at which point Burke was forced to sit through horrific scenes of boring dialogue and hockey before getting to the good stuff; the sex scenes.

“No, no… please… Mr Leggen… sir… not this.. please I will do anything… I’ll never go there aga-” Burke’s feed cut abruptly as the court’s own channel went to black leaving an eerie silence in the High Court.

Burke’s legal team immediately condemned the ruling as a violation of human rights, religious freedom and basic decency, while Justice Leggen was later seen leaving the bench with what sources described as ‘a stress free expression they haven’t seen on him in years’.

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