Woman On Unlucky Run Of Lifetime Of Toxic Relationships

“JUST ONE of those things I suppose,” explained serial attractors of the biggest time-wasting toxic gimps Ireland has to offer, Shona Sheridan, speaking for the first time of an all-time hall-of-fame run of shite relationships.

“Fingers crossed now the next one, whenever he comes along, will be a non-prick. You live in hope,” added Sheridan, displaying the sort of indefatigable appetite for being disappointed again.

Trawling through old photographs and mementos, Sheridan recounted a potted history of feeling like she’s been walking through life with a big ‘only time wasters should apply’ sign on her head.

“He was nice until he wasn’t, oh him there, he still owes me money. That fella was lovely apart from the having a wife and kids he hid from me aspect of the relationship,” a remarkably cheery Sheridan continued, listing off a litany of cabbage-headed pricks.

“Now him, he was alright, but he was afraid of laces so only wore velcro runners. No hang on, he also burned down his mother’s home, I knew I forgot something about him. There’s just been so many gobshites, y’know” added Sheridan.

Attempts at improving her dating strategies have been employed over the years but have never yielded results.

“I used one of them professional matchmakers, then I fell for him and we started dating but it turned out he wasn’t a real matchmaker and was just stealing money from me”.

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