Maria Steen Turning Up At Gates Of The Áras Refusing To Leave Until She’s Made President

A WOMAN who has never been a presidential candidate or appeared on a ballot paper has taken up residence outside the gates of Leinster House, vowing never to leave until she is made president of Ireland.

Armed only with the attention of national media photographers and a bag, Maria Steen has called on the presidential election to be cancelled, as it’s not fair when people who have secured the required support drop out of the race.

“She’s the only candidate I believed when they said they’d defend the Constitution which is why we need to break the Constitution by cancelling the election. Jim Gavin was woefully inexperienced, he had never ran for public office or received votes before in any election for God’s sake! That’s why Maria who also hasn’t ever ran or received a single vote from anyone is the answer!” cheered one supporter.

Steen is not alone in calling for the election to be cancelled as Waterford man Barry O’Neill, a man who believes chickens control the universe and that the day Thursday does not exist, has also been canvassed by the Irish media for his thoughts.

“Wait it out, don’t worry I get this with my toddler all the time. He says he doesn’t have a bedtime and that he should drive my car, he also wants 12 cats as pets and cereal for dinner. Like Steen, he’s making these demands from a position of zero authority and she’ll eventually tire out when she realises she’s not the boss of everyone,” confirmed one voter.

“Abort the election? When it’s still viable? Oh now, that’s not very conservative, or democratic” observed one election expert.

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