UFC Ban Means McGregor’s Comeback Limited To Sucker Punching Old Lads In Pubs

FULL TIME court case attender and occasional UFC fighter Conor McGregor will have to wait until June 2026 to formally fight again after receiving a doping ban, meaning bookies will only be able to offer odds on the Dublin man sucker punching old lads in pubs who were busy minding their own business.

“This is complete bullshit. Missing a drug test? Conor would never miss a chance to test some drugs, he fucking loves them! This is a hatchet job, a smear on his hard-earned reputation as a cocaine user,” defended one McGregor fan in-between excusing himself to go to the toilet.

Sources close to the Combat Sports Doping Authority suggest McGregor missing three consecutive drug tests at a time his bloated head resembled a CGI potato on steroids is in no way shady and that he would not have produced an iridescent urine sample with an effervescence so toxic it would make the Chernobyl meltdown blush.

“Sure, he can’t fight in the octagon but don’t you worry about Conor, he’ll find someone, anyone to fight, he could start a fight in a room by himself,” confirmed one of McGregor’s coaching inner circle.

The ‘auld lad at the end of the bar’ community remain on high alert following the news of the 37-year-old’s ban.

This latest news will come as a major blow to the legions of Irish McGregor fans who are believed to number ‘fuck all’ at this point.

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