“You’ll Get Nothing & You’ll Like It” Government Confirms Ahead Of Budget 2026

“THERE’S NO NEED to bribe you with giveaways there’s no general election coming up”

The government has been clear ahead of the publication of Budget 2026, which they’ve already leaked to the media, that there’s nothing on the table for working class and middle income earners but that doesn’t mean they want to hear any moaning about it.

“Sure, we’ve given carers something but that’s more a bribe to independent TDs that prop us up, they could have asked for free massages for serial killers in prison and we’d have done it,” confirmed a source close to the coalition parties.

Increasing the minimum wage while refusing the raise the entry point of income tax and USC brackets means any gains will soon evaporate to nothing. However, the government has assured WWN minimum wage workers are minimum wage workers for a reason and will be too thick to notice.

“At this point in the life cycle of a government it’s important to reward those lobbyists from industries who have been supportive of us, Daddy is handing out VAT cuts like they’re candy,” Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe is believed to have said.

“Stop your complaining, and we’ll see you all in a few years for that pre-election bribe budget that will hand you the sort of extra cash that’ll mean you’re still barely scraping by,” confirmed a government spokesperson.

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