Shitshow Downgraded To Total Fucking Disaster

RATINGS agency Moody’s has downgraded the Irish Presidential election from a ‘shitshow’ to a ‘total fucking disaster’ following the exit of Fianna Fáil candidate Jim Gavin.

Gavin, who was found to owe a former tenant €3,300 for the past 16 years and had ignored several solicitors’ letters, withdrew from the Presidential race with immediate effect yesterday evening.

“You’d think being an unscrupulous landlord would make the perfect Presidential candidate to represent Fianna Fáil, but apparently times have changed,” a government source said, describing the mood in Leinster House.

Previously downgraded from a shambles to a shitshow last week after Catherine Connolly was found to have hired someone fresh from serving a Special Criminal Court conviction for unlawful possession of firearms, Moody’s warned the race could still sink even further, with all eyes now on the remaining two candidates.

“All we need now is Heather Humphreys to be found operating a cobalt mine in South Africa to reach the next Moody’s level, ‘a jackass jamboree’,” the report stated.

Meanwhile, the latest opinion polls show over 85% of the Irish public are listing Jim Gavin’s former tenant as their preferred presidential candidate.

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