Local Woman Going To Wait ‘Til Housemates Leave House To Watch ‘Wuthering Heights’ Trailer

EXPRESSING a desire to watch the trailer for the Jacob Elordi starring Wuthering Heights in a private, quiet setting for no reason in particular, local woman Elaine Carolan is being slowly driven insane by her dithering house mates.

“Didn’t you say you were meeting people from work or something, you’d probably want to get a move on?” inquired Carolan of one house mate.

“Don’t you normally do the gym on Thursdays Niamh?” Carolan insisted of another, hours of palpable excitement building up in her as she anticipated the much buzzed about trailer of Wuthering Heights.

Unable to accept anymore delays and having quadruple checked her bedside locker has a good supply of batteries, Carolan made a point of her house mates’ need to get out into the big bad world and enjoy themselves, for life is but a brief dream that can be snuffed out at any moment.

“Oh no, just a chill night in, a bit of self-care. Just double checking you’ll gone at least an hour yeah?” pushed Carolan as she lit a candle, switched off her bedroom light and pulled the curtains closed.

“He can Heath my cliff any day, I can feel my heights wuthering as we speak,” Carolan said, losing herself in her thoughts for a moment as her house mates slowly backed out of the house.

Elsewhere, the tabloid media has thanked Wuthering Heights director Emerald Fennell for filling the moral-panic-over-smut shaped hole in their hearts left by the 50 Shades of Grey movies.

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