Local Wrestling Fan Mourning Just The Wrestler Part Of Hulk Hogan

“AND WHEN I say wrestler I specifically mean only what he did in the ring not the whole ratting to Vince MacMahon about wrestlers trying to unionise in the 80s and using this info to screw them over and secure a big payday for himself,” explained local wrestling fan Mike Heuston.

“This one hit me for six, it feels like every person I had up on a poster in my bedroom as a kid is on borrowed time. Hulkmania, that was the shit, but as I said I’m upset and trying to mourn a very specific furrow of grief I’m plowing, not the racist bit, the Trump supporting bit, cheating on his wife bit, the sexual assaults bit,” explained Heuston, delicately.

Mourning your childhood idols when they pass becomes harder and harder as the idealised joy you experience when younger gives way to the harsh reality that the person behind the persona can often be, as experts put it, ‘a steaming pile of irredeemable shit’.

“I’m just going to watch Wrestlemania III for the millionth time and Youtube and get a little teary-eyed at the body slam around the world. Ah, those were the days,” added Heuston, who again is at pains to stress he is only mourning the wrestling portion of the entity known as Hulk Hogan.

Meanwhile, Heuston has urged other posters on his childhood bedroom wall Bruce Springsteen, Debbie Harry, Ian Rush and Arnold Swarzenegger to get the once over from a doctor just in case.

Support an independent, ad-free publisher by buying yourself something nice in our shop HERE