Emotionless Undertaker Embalms Hulk Hogan Before Delivering One Last Tomb Stone For Old Times Sake

TASKED with organising the funeral arrangements of his former wrestling foe and eternal rival, retired WWE legend The Undertaker marked the solemn occasion in the only way he knew how, by pile-driving Hulk Hogan straight into the embalming room floor.

“This is for old time’s sake, brother!” he sobbed, cradling 71-year-old Terry ‘Hulk Hogan’ Bollea, flipping him over and planting his iconic bandana’d head squarely into the cold linoleum.

A splash of embalming fluid erupted on impact, soaking the floor as the echo of the final finisher lingered in the air like a ghostly bell.

As tributes poured in from fans, celebrities, and wrestlers around the world, The Undertaker delicately lifted the 6’4” frame of the fallen icon into a custom-designed coffin, fit for a warrior of the squared circle.

“Say hello to Paul Bearer, Macho Man and all the guys for me,” he whispered, pausing to wipe away a trail of bloody ooze now seeping from the fresh wound he’d just delivered.

“You were a bit of a cunt in fairness… but you did what you didn’t have to do.”

With that, he closed the casket lid. An eerie DONG reverberated through the funeral parlour.

Eyes rolling back into his skull, The Undertaker stood motionless, hands clasped in prayer for his longtime nemesis, friend, and brother.

Dong.
Dong.
Dong.

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