“They’re After Recalling A Load Of Mouthwash” Man Tells Wife As He Tucks Into Meal Containing Listeria

“LOVE, HAVE WE any of that Listeria mouthwash? Ah right, no just they’re recalling it or something. Tastes manky anyway,” confirmed Waterford man Noel Dafford to his wife Nuala as he tucked into one of nearly 200 items being recalled for having traces of the listeria bacteria in them.

“Come to think of it love, we don’t have mouthwash do we? I’ll that to the shopping so. Although I can’t make heads nor tails of the layout these days, all these warning signs on shelves everywhere,” added Dafford.

Dafford is unique among Irish news consumers in that he has an incredible ability to half-comprehend things he momentarily skims instead of reading while dispensing with any remnants of valuable information.

“Was I telling you Ozzy Osbourne’s after drying? Think it’s a TikTok trend the young people be doing. World’s gone made if you ask me,” added Dafford, hoovering up what remained of a pre-made meal on a list of things consumers should throw in the bin before setting that bin on fire just to be safe.

“Cyprus up in flames again. Yeah, wild fryers. What eejit leaves their air fryers outside?” Dafford said, continuing to misinform his wife on the news of the day.

“No, love wait, I’ve got that wrong, that doesn’t sound right does it?” remarked Dafford after he told his wife that the government’s next decade of infrastructure planning was costed based on Ireland incurring 0% tariffs on good imported to the US, this despite knowing the EU was on the verge of agreeing to 15% tariffs with Donald Trump’s administration, thus rendering all plans useless.

For the full range of Listeria mouthwash to avoid click HERE.

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