“Oh That Epstein!” Trump Thought Files Were On Beatles Manager Brian Epstein

SLAPPING his forehead over his latest faux pas, US President Donald Trump said he thought the ‘Epstein Files’ mentioning his name was actually The Beatles manager, Brian Epstein, WWN reports.

“I know Brian is a big fan of me and I assumed he was just chatting about my love of The Beatles in a podcast and I didn’t really pay much attention to what Pam was saying as I was too busy making America great again,” Trump explained at a White House presser earlier.

Several journalists gently pointed out that Brian Epstein has been dead for 58 years, to which Trump replied:

“You think he’s dead. But is he? There’s a lot of things you people don’t know. Obama committed treason – did you know that? Didn’t think so. Be careful what you believe.”

In an increasingly desperate bid to control the narrative, the U.S. Justice Department has reportedly reached out to lawyers representing Ghislaine Maxwell, long-time associate of Jeffrey Epstein, to see if she might lie/speak with prosecutors.

“We’re negotiating a deal as we speak,” a senior administration source confirmed, holding a folder of Democrat affilated names who flew on Epstein’s jet under one arm and another folder marked ‘reduced sentence’ in the other.

“Ghislaine’s not in great shape. Quite old now. Sixty three. Prison is a dangerous place. Hopefully we can get her to clear up all this ‘Trump is a raging paedo’ talk before she dies of very natural and unsuspicious causes.”

Attorney General Pam Bondi, who previously claimed the Epstein client list was ‘on her desk’ is now facing mounting pressure from MAGA loyalists to release further material – ideally the kind that blames literally anyone else.

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