Great News: NATO To Spend More People’s Money On Weapons To Kill More People With

THE MAJORITY of NATO member countries officially pledged to increase defence spending among member nations to 5% of GDP, after coming to the collective conclusion that there simply isn’t enough potential for death, destruction, or geopolitical chaos in the world and that the working classes can surely foot the bill, WWN reports.

New NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte acknowledged that this may be a tough ask for countries currently drowning in cost-of-living crises, housing emergencies, record homelessness, immigration tensions, and general societal collapse. Nevertheless, he insisted the spending hike was essential ‘to defend freedom’ which in this case loosely translates to ‘be in a position to enact high-precision slaughter of civilians halfway across the globe when the time comes’.

“No NATO country will be safe until we have one missile defence system and navy warship for every newborn baby in our respective countries. Sure, weapons manufacturers will earn billions from this but it’s about safety!” Rutte said, as NATO leaders met in The Hague to agree to one of the largest military build-ups in human history. A move expected to make heating and groceries more affordable.

The decision follows repeated threats by U.S. President Donald Trump, who has vowed not to protect NATO countries unless they meet arbitrary spending targets – targets that conveniently involve purchasing hundreds of billions in American-made weapons. In making this bold step, NATO nations have confirmed their spending must not be questioned, debated, or analysed. Thank you.

Meanwhile, Russia accused NATO of rampant militarisation and painting it as a ‘fiend from hell’ to justify the West’s spiraling war budgets while sounds of Russia continuing to reduce vast swathes of Ukraine to rubble could be heard in the background.

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