Vietnam Draft Dodger Forces Military To Throw Him A Birthday Party

A MAN WHO faked bones spurs in his feet to avoid having to fight in the Vietnam war has forced the US military to throw him a birthday party in Washington, resulting in a poorly attended event which cost the US taxpayer $40 million.

“What an honour it is to honour this brave patriot,” said one soldier marching in formation for a man who stated ‘I like my war heroes who don’t get captured’.

“You know what, even though Israel and Iran are currently exchanging missile fire as the Middle East teeters on the brink of all out war, this is definitely where all our senior military leaders should be right now,” added another soldier.

“I didn’t have the luxury of a wealthy family who could shelter and protect me from my obligations to my country, but celebrating someone who did is just what the military was founded for 250 years ago,” confirmed one military man, marching with a limp due to the shrapnel lodge in his leg.

The White House confirmed the total attendance at the Washington DC parade was 6 million before denying they arrived at that number by including the millions of people who attended the anti-Trump ‘No King’ protests nationwide in their estimate.

“Wow, what? Who did this? You love me, you really me,” a shocked president Donald Trump said when his eyes first set upon the completely impromptu military parade held on his birthday, which he had no prior knowledge of.

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