Concerns Current Air Force One Not Big Enough To Store All Bribes Trump Will Receive On Gulf Visit

“IT’S JUST such a relief Qatar are gifting Donald a new plane, phew, we’ll need that extra space to store whatever completely legitimate deals we’re striking on this visit to gulf this time,” explained one aide close to US president Donald Trump as he began his visit of Saudi Arabia, Qatar and the UAE.

“When Jared Kushner got $2bn from the Saudis, they wired it to his investment firm but Donald likes cash in hand and while Air Force One is big, it’s not near-unlimited duffel bags of money big” added the aide.

Signing a defence pact with Saudi Arabia, the country that allowed Al Qaeda to operate and finance its 9/11 plot within its borders, could see Donald Trump encounter a number of completely unrelated positive developments in his businesses’ dealings with Saudi Arabia.

White House officials on the gulf trip feared such was the expected hefty weight of bribes that it could be an aviation safety concern.

“And if there’s one thing this admin has been good at so far, it’s air traffic disasters,” confirmed one worried suit.

Meanwhile Trump, who has left others to find a solution to the AF1 problem, is just trying to enjoy being a visiting dignitary in the gulf.

“I feel inadequate as an authoritarian honestly, we’re so backwards compared to you guys,” said a sullen Trump after Mohammad bin Salman gave the US president a tour of one of his underground torture rooms ahead of signing defence, energy and mining deals.

Trump later apologised for not visiting sooner but he wasn’t willing to touchdown in Saudi Arabia until he got confirmation once again that he wouldn’t be punished with a stoning to death for his adultery, the cutting off his hand for his fraud and beheading for his sexual assaults.

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