Critics Say Inexperienced, Pre-Pubescent 69-Year-Old Pope Too Young To Lead Church

“SURE what would he know, he’s barely out of diapers?”

The words of dissenting senior Vatican official, whose words hint of the obstacles newbie pontiff, Pope Leo will have to overcome on his journey to proving that at 69 he isn’t too young and inexperienced to lead the Catholic Church.

“Do we really want a man leading the Church who has no first hand memories of the Franco-Prussian war?” said one cardinal whose first five choices for Pope all died of old age within the first hour of the conclave convening.

“None of his vital organs have begun failing, he only has 14 sun spots on his head, his knees only crack in 7 different places when he stands up and he expects to gain our respect and trust? For me the jury is still out on this kid” remarked another cardinal who did not vote for the Chicago born juvenile.

Despite what many would consider a lengthy CV, many feel at 69, Pope Leo should have gotten some proper experience under his belt before taking up the big gig.

“Wait, tell me more about the prepubescent bit?” said one senior church figure, suddenly coming around to the idea of Pope Leo.

Elsewhere, other Christians were said to ‘deeply disturbed’ and ‘frankly angry’ after learning Pope Leo holds a number of strong beliefs closely associated with being a Christian such as advocating for the poor and marginalised.

“One day he’s asking people to call him Robert Francis Prevost and now it’s Pope Leo XIV, typical left-wing American identity wokeism,” said one critic.

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