Trump’s First 100 Days In Office, The Highlights
IT’S been the runaway success doctors keep hearing about from patients who have experienced irreparable psychotic breaks from reality, that’s right, today marks the remarkably successful first 100 days of US president Donald Trump’s second stint in office.
Such is the unrelenting volume of pure unfiltered winning Trump is pissing down on the American people and nations elsewhere, it has been hard to remember every triumph, but that’s where a trusted news source like WWN comes in.
We have collated the highlights below for you to relive and rejoice in:
Renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, instantly solving the housing shortages and high grocery prices plaguing Americans.
Added you to the White House defence Signal group chat.
A human rights’ champion, struck a deal to free Andrew Tate to return to America.
Dismantled USAID, which has directly led to one of his great victories; ensuring an estimated 1,400 newborn children contract aids every day.
Threatened to annex Canada, Greenland and Panama.
Lost the Canadian election for Pierre Poilievre.
Embraces DEI by hiring South African immigrant who has no qualifications and has 14 kids by at least 4 women to aim a flamethrower at essential government services.
Wrongfully and illegally deported some American citizens to an El Salvadorian prison, technically known as a ‘whoopsie’.
Hosts notorious war criminal and genocide enthusiast Benjamin Netanyahu at White House. Tells him to cut him in on all ethnically cleansing plans in Gaza so money can be made buildings hotels.
Says vandalising a Tesla is domestic terrorism. Pardons January 6th domestic terrorists.
Films now iconic Tesla ‘everything is computer’ advert at the White House.
Invites Russia back into the G7.
Wins Razzie for worst actor during pre-planned ganging up on Volodymyr Zelensky in White House.
Kindly offers Ukraine chance to surrender to Russia in exchange for giving all its natural resources to Trump.
Didn’t release the Epstein Files.
Cut loans to US farmers. Cut Farm To School programme which helps schools buy local farmers’ produce for use in school meals.
Pulled out of WHO and Paris Climate deal.
Actively trying to cut funding to LBGTQ suicide hotline.
Overseeing increase in measles outbreaks.
Angry at trades deal negotiated and signed by idiot former president Donald Trump when he was in office 2016-2020, Donald Trump starts a tariff war pushing America towards ‘a new golden age’ also known as ‘an impending global recession’.
Recorded the worst month on the stock exchange since the Great Depression.
“These things happens” said Trump about a deadly school shooting in Florida. Ordered FBI to set up taskforce to battle the scourge that is Tesla vandalism.
Ordered release of billions of gallons of water, that were not needed to battle fires, in California to the wrong area during the LA wildfires.
Supports passing of Save Act which would see married women ineligible to vote if their name on their birth cert does not match current form of ID such as a passport.
Returned free speech to America by suing news organisations, kicking Associated Press out of the White Press core, directly taking credit for arresting a student for the crime of writing an opinion piece in her college’s newspaper, delighting in masked police rounding up people and sending to detention centres.
Dismantled American defence capabilities against cyber warfare carried out by Russia. Offering Russian oligarchs chance to buy US citizenship.
Gutted aviation safety committee. Subsequently blamed multiple plane crashes on transgender pilots and other minorities.
Appointed man who had previously had some of his brain eaten away by a parasite US health secretary.
Sends JD Vance to kill the Pope.
Changed units of time so that 100 days feels like infinity and eternity having an orgy with the extended DVD cut of the Lord of The Rings Trilogy.
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