Ray & Dara: The Men Bought By The Irish Government To Do The Work Of A Military Radar System

A HIGH PROFILE announcement by Tánaiste and Minister for Defence Simon Harris for the procurement of a highly advanced defence system to be operated by the Defence Forces is not all its appears, WWN can reveal.

“Howiyas, I’d like to see the Russians try anything now we’re on the case,” confirmed Irish men Ray Downes, and Dara Healy who together make up Ray & Dara, the high tech detection system that will do the job of a conventional ‘radar system’.

“No better buachaillí for the job,” explained Ray and Dara, armed with binoculars that could maybe, possibly make out a Russian submarine if it stayed within a 50 metres radius of Ireland’s coastline.

The presence of Ray and Dara has led to more questions and an embarrassing development for the Tánaiste.

“We certainly have had what we’d call ‘procurement issues’ and yes, purchasing two men instead of a highly sophisticated system is embarrassing but c’mon, it could be worse look at the ejects spending €430k on a ‘housing tsar’,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Department of Defence.

The government resisted calls to admit the public’s scepticism was well-founded and that a longstanding neutral nation with soldiers so poorly paid they have resorted to sleeping in cars in the past may in fact make colossal mistakes and financial blunders at it tries to impress its friends in NATO.

“You’re acting like we’ve installed a bicycle shed or something, these two fellas come highly recommended. By who? I don’t know but they did. Let he who hasn’t accidentally bought two men instead of buying a radar system cast the first stone,” added the spokesperson, as Ray and Dara asked for permission to launch Ireland’s nuclear warheads at what turned out to be a seagull.

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