Kerrygold Mule Found With 40 Pounds Of Butter Up Arse By US Customs

AN IRISH MAN in America to discuss trades relations has been deported immediately after it was discovered he had attempted to transport 40 pounds of Kerrygold butter internally in a bid to avoid tariffs.

“We believe the man wrapped the parcels in condoms in Dublin airport and then placed them in himself. A scheme like this would see someone pocket money selling the goods at a tidy profit on US soil due to their tariff free prices,” said one ICE agent, wearing a nose peg and standing proudly by a table of contraband butter.

Authorities say they were first alerted to the man, Tánaiste Simon Harris, who was apparently in America on a diplomatic trade mission, as he departed a plane in Washington DC walking like ‘John Wayne had swallowed John Wayne’.

Harris was later discovered by ICE agents weeping on a toilet seat in the airport and saying ‘it’s like trying to push the Statue of Liberty out through a keyhole’.

Meanwhile a second man, Minister for Agriculture Martin Heydon, is still being questioned over his claim that the 400 litres of whole milk found under his coat is in fact breast milk he pumped himself and not Avonmore.

“No please send me to an El Salvadorian prison, anything but this,” cried Harris when he was placed on a flight back to Dublin.

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